Mostly a picture post today, photo’s taken last weekend on a day out to the Cheddar Gorge with the 2 boys and my husband.
It is beautiful there and was a lovely day out.
The photo’s however don’t tell the full story. My eldest son who is approaching 12 and has ASD (autistic spectrum disorder) didn’t have such a good day, or weekend, or indeed time of it of late. He is going through puberty and as such coupled with his autism he is spending much of his days going from meltdown to meltdown, despite all our best efforts
This in itself I can cope with, what I have found hurtful recently is the staring from other people. All day long I was aware of people looking at Owen & his ‘different’ behaviors, then on Sunday we took the boys out for Sunday lunch, the constant glares and disapproving glances of the noises he makes when eating, his facial ticks and the odd things he says a little to loudly made me feel like we were sitting in a gold fish bowl. It took every ounce of my patience to not take his hand and walk out of there and to take him home, lock the doors and shut the curtains and to not just tell the rest of the entire world to get lost.
I want to just protect my son and for people just to accept he is who he is, and he is a little different, but few people do or ever will. People’s glances made my other son conscious of his brother’s behavior too. It made me grumpy with Owen for how he was behaving, but really, it wasn’t him I was upset with, it was the rest of the world, for making me feel he should be someone he isn’t. It hurts in a way I can’t describe, but it hurts down to the very core of me.
This has left me struggling this week. I am just a Mum who loves her son and all that comes with him no matter what. I’ll get past this again, as I do on all such occasions, but right now I am struggling. Maybe it’s just a lot right now with my daughter being almost bedridden the majority of her days. I feel very un-enamored with the world outside our door right now. So for now I’m of to watch my toddler bounce on his trampoline and then to pick some raspberries from the garden, our first impressive crop of them, I think the garden is about as far as I wish to venture for now though.